


Si tú me pinches quisieras

by dollalpaca



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, TW: Blood, Unrequited Love, she/her pronouns are used for everyone, tw: mentions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24219709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollalpaca/pseuds/dollalpaca
Summary: The tiles are covered in small blood drops as flower after flower comes out from Gigi’s mouth. She flushes down the toilet a whole bouquet before she cleans up the corners of her mouth and goes back to the table, where Crystal is talking dreamily about the details of her wedding.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 18
Kudos: 108





	Si tú me pinches quisieras

**Author's Note:**

> i literally wipped this out in like, under five hours. it's my first writing hanahaki and it's not beta-ed, so pls pls pls ignore the grammar mistakes and all that. dedicated to the jankie candle clan, most especifically emmie, because they violently cheered me on writing this. tumblr is @chachkisalpaca and comments are very much asked for.
> 
> title comes from mon laferte's song, "si tu me quisieras".

It’s during the political challenge that Gigi starts smelling tulips when she’s around Crystal.

She panics the moment she breathes and is hit by the smell of freshly cut tulips that only increase when she’s around Crystal. Gigi feels her heart tug as she frantically asks herself why, why if this is not the first time she sees Crystal, let alone the last time; in school they told them one gets the flower disease upon laying eyes on their unrequited love, then why have the flowers waited this long to start blooming?

Her stomach churns and she does her best at keeping the storm of feelings at bay while she tries to excel at the challenge; this never happened to her before, and she finds it horribly convenient that her first time just happens to be in the middle of Drag Race with a fellow cast mate.

In Untucked they hold hands throughout the whole thing, because Crystal notices how her legs shake when she thinks she might be in the bottom, and she’s not really good with words so just resorts to squeezing her hand from time to time. By the end of it, she gives her an air kiss and mutters “good luck” when they’re heading back to the main stage.

She’ll never say it out loud, but the moment she’s declared safe and stands next to Crystal in the back, with Crystal’s hand looking for hers, she feels a petal fighting to escape her mouth. Gigi keeps her mouth shut, swallows back the petal, and bites her tongue so hard she’s sure she tastes blood.

She barely registers what happens before they’re de-draging and hopping back into the van, heading to the hotel. Gigi sits next to Jackie and they make small talk, but nothing can shift Gigi’s focus from the tulip scent that suffocates the van.

Gigi starts to cough but covers her mouth with her hand, earning a soft scold from Jackie.

“That’s not hygienic, Geeg,” she says, and Gigi scoffs, hiding the yellow tulip petals in her hand.

“Neither is this van, but y’know,” she comments, leaning back against her seat, earning a chuckle from Jackie, who merely agrees with her, before telling her to get something for that cough.

Almost as if on cue, Crystal laughs loudly along with Heidi in the back of the van, and Gigi refuses to let another petal slip.

* * *

Widow leaves a few packs of her cigarettes in her old station, and Gigi doesn’t hesitate in taking them. She’s not sure where she’s heard that smoking helps to kill the flowers, and though she’s skeptical about it, a lot of kids back in High School chain-smoked more than they should due to this urban legend. Most of them are still alive, so for once she hopes it’s true.

Her clothes smell like nicotine and if the others notice it they don’t bring it up; Lord knows most of them are smokers anyway.

The make-over challenge is fun, and Shea like Shea Couleé helps her distract for the most part, though her eyes still drift towards Crystal and Grace from time to time, mostly when they’re doing stupid shit together around the workroom. Gigi can’t help but think they’re like a match made in heaven and the jealousy stings in her chest. Though it’s probably the tails of the tulips growing in her lungs.

Gigi is laughing with Shea when suddenly she starts coughing, and before she notices Shea’s scrunching in her hand half of a rosebud.

“God damn it,” she musters, putting it in one of her pockets and Gigi notices how it’s not the only flower shoved in there. “She isn’t even here,” she says quietly, a groan escaping her lips.

“So you got the flower disease too,” Gigi comments softly, the _too_ escaping her lips before she could stop it.

Shea nods with a defeated sigh. “Hanahaki disease you mean? Yeah, for a couple months now.” She taps her fingers on the surface of the table, avoiding Gigi’s gaze. “And you, for how long?” Gigi’s stomach twitches, aware of her fuck up.

“I’m not sure.” Two weeks, one day and five hours. Not that she’s counting.

“Is he here?” Shea asks with a playful tone, pulling her gaze to meet Gigi’s.

“No,” she lies seamlessly, trying to keep her cool down. She takes a peek at Crystal and Grace out of the corner of her eye and sees Crystal putting on Grace all of her chunky jewelry. Gigi feels a petal tickling against the back of her throat.

They go back to talking about their concept for the makeover and don’t talk again about it, not even when Shea keeps on coughing up roses and Gigi refuses to let her tulips come out.

In Untucked she goes for a smoke break when she hears Crystal talking about her boyfriend with Jaida. She coughs a sea of petals with blood in the parking lot and finishes the pack of cigarettes before Joel comes to give her the five minute warning.

* * *

It’s Jackie who picks up on her sudden cigarette addiction and pulls her aside one day during lunch.

“Geeg, everything’s alright? I’ve never seen you smoke so much,” she asks with a concerned tone. Gigi’s never properly smoked before, just asked one of the smoker girls for a quick hit when she was having a bad day and that was it. But now her clothes are stained with the smell of nicotine and it’s becoming quite evident.

Gigi rubs her sweaty palms against her thighs and ponders on whether she should tell Jackie about it or not. She can picture Jackie’s pitiful gaze, the _you’ll be okay_ speech, before suggesting Crystal might reciprocate her feelings if she’s honest with her, completely ignoring the fact she’s been in a relationship for the past seven years and owns a home with a cat. There’s no future for Gigi’s feelings and she knows it.

So she lies.

She tells Jackie that her anxiety’s been getting the best of her these past weeks, after being in the bottom three several times in a row. Which isn’t exactly false, but Jackie has no way of knowing it isn’t true either.

Jackie’s gaze softens and she gives her a hug, promising her that it’ll be okay and they’ll be together in the top four. Just then Gigi realizes next week the top four is defined and feels like throwing up and not petals.

“Don’t worry about it now, Geeg, and please stop smoking so much, your lungs sure won’t appreciate that,” Jackie tries to joke, and Gigi forces a laugh, biting back the need of telling her that her lungs probably prefer the smoke rather than the tulip garden growing in them, wrapping their tails around her heart and squeezing it whenever Crystal laughs.

The rest of lunch is peaceful, or as peaceful as it can be with five loud drag queens, and Jackie keeps a close eye on her every time Gigi toys with the cigarette pack.

* * *

Gigi wins the main challenge and Heidi leaves. It’s good to win but bittersweet to see her go. Jaida, Crystal, Jackie and Gigi hug in the middle of the main stage and dance together trying to synchronize their moves.

Going back to the workroom feels like a punch to the gut, because this is _it_. They will all leave back to their home states and won’t see each other until press week. They exchange phone numbers and hug a million times once their things are all packed and ready to go.

The van feels empty with only the four of them sitting in it, and there’s no conversation that can distract Gigi from the fact Crystal will go home to her boyfriend and their house with their cat, and Gigi will be referred to as a friend when she’s telling him about her experience on Drag Race, because she _is_ her friend, even if Gigi dreads being so.

Before she can register, she coughs up three bloody petals that fall in the space between her and Jaida. The girls stare at her in a shocked horror before Jaida speaks.

“I’m sorry,” Jaida says softly, and Gigi doesn’t even have to ask why she’s sorry for. She shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut. The pitiful stares burn her skin and she wishes it hadn’t caught her by surprise.

“It gets better, Geeg,” Jackie adds, “I coughed up lilies for a solid year before my boyfriend gave me the time of the day.”

Gigi hums, with her mouth dry. They start to talk about their experiences with Hanahaki and Gigi wants more than ever to run away from the conversation.

Crystal says she experienced it but very lightly at the beginning of her current relationship, because it was kind of a mutual pinning thing.

“I’m probably one of the lucky ones,” she comments. Gigi feels the tails of the tulips wrapping around her lungs and heart, tugging so hard she forgets how to breathe for a second.

Gigi doesn’t sleep at night and barely keeps it together once they’re at the airport, dragging their suitcases and saying their goodbyes. Crystal hugs her a bit too tight —or maybe she’s imagining it, who knows anymore— and the smell of tulips becomes unbearable.

She gives her hands a last squeeze before she leaves to catch her flight and Gigi does nothing but stare at her in silence.

* * *

The months that go by after they’re done filming are nothing but hell.

There’s a season twelve group chat created the moment all top four girls arrive to their home states and they text regularly, sending memes, pictures of their gigs, telling funny stories from their local clubs and inviting each other over.

Which speaking of, Crystal invites them all to the anniversary party of Get Dusted and Gigi is positive the tails of the tulips tugging at her lungs are the reason she suddenly lost the ability of breathing.

A good half of the cast says they’re busy and the other half gladly accepts the invitation, saying that they’re going so long as Crystal offers them her house to stay. Gigi knows it’s a joke, but she knows she wouldn’t be able to do that.

They book a cheap hotel that’s twenty minutes away from Crystal’s town and during the entirety of her flight Gigi can’t stop thinking that this is probably a bad idea. No, scratch that; it’s _definitely_ a bad idea. She hasn’t stopped coughing up petals since the last time she physically saw Crystal, and the petals have slowly morphed into incomplete tulips, lacking a petal or two, and Gigi has no way of being sure, but she can bet her favorite make-up palette that she’ll be throwing up full tulips by the moment she comes back to Los Angeles.

Crystal picks them up at the airport, with her usual radiant smile as she holds up a sign that reads the name of their group chat — _Jackie’s Drag Daycare,_ name given by Heidi, because Jackie had assumed the role of mom friend rather quickly—, and they all melt into a group hug. Jackie, Nicky, Heidi, Widow and Rock wander off to pick up their suitcases and before Gigi can join them, Crystal tugs at her sleeve and Gigi panics when she distinguishes the same pitiful look she gave her that day in the van.

“Hey, how’ve you been holding up? Still coughing up sunflowers?” She tries to sound playful, but Gigi can sense the sad undertone.

“They’re not sunflowers,” Gigi replies in a murmur that almost gets lost in the middle of the chaos of the airport. “And yeah, unfortunately.”

Crystal sighs, scratching the back of her neck. “I’m sorry, Geeg, I’m sure that if you’re impatient enough that boy will notice what’s he’s missing out on,” she tries to console her and Gigi inhales a sharp breath. The petals are ticking at the back of her throat again, as if they can sense the irony.

Gigi thanks her and hurries Crystal to catch up with the others.

* * *

By the end of the weekend Gigi is close to coughing up entire tulips like she predicted, and she feels nothing but relief when she has to go back to LA.

The Get Dusted girls were funny and a joy to meet, Crystal talked about them day and night in the group chat and she sure didn’t do them justice. She exchanged Instagram handles with Lux, Daegen and Betty rather quickly, and Crystal beamed every time she caught her season twelve sisters get along so well with her Get Dusted sisters.

She kept an eye out on her as well as Jackie, and if Gigi already felt suffocated by Jackie mom-friending her all the time through texts, she wants to pluck each one of her hair strands with her bare hands when Crystal starts to do the same.

By the end of the weekend she has also grown to hate the smell of tulips, wanting to throw up whenever it fills her nostrils.

* * *

The next time she sees Crystal is the night before press week starts and they’re having dinner at some fancy restaurant WOW paid for. The tulips bother her the entire night and Gigi feels as if she’s about to combust.

She’s been toying with the idea of removing the tulip garden in her lungs; the smoke does nothing to them at this point, and even when she’s aware of the fact she’ll never love again if she does so, she prefers that to a death by a broken heart.

Crystal is seated on the other side of the table, in the middle of Nicky and Aiden and she’s laughing loudly like she always does. The smell of tulips intoxicates Gigi, making her nit-pick at her food. Jackie is seating in front of her and when she notices it, she shoots her a worried glare. Gigi mouths a _not now_ when Jackie parts her lips slightly to give her yet another speech. Jackie shuts her mouth and leaves her alone, though Gigi knows it’s temporal.

“So, uh, you guys, I have an announcement to take,” Crystal suddenly says, rising her voice so everyone can hear her. The entire table has their attention glued to Crystal and Gigi’s stomach twists, having a bad feeling about this announcement.

Crystal sighs giddily before sheepishly showing her ring finger, “I’m engaged!”

The table erupts in giddy screams and screeches, congratulating Crystal and toasting to her happiness, but Gigi feels as if she’s been slapped across her face.

She fights back the tulips and once the commotion dies down, she excuses herself and heads to the restaurant’s bathroom.

The tiles are covered in small blood drops as flower after flower comes out from Gigi’s mouth. She flushes down the toilet a whole bouquet before she cleans up the corners of her mouth and goes back to the table, where Crystal is talking dreamily about the details of her wedding.

Gigi blocks out the entire dinner from then on and goes back to chain-smoking when Jackie lets her guard down.

Press week is a living hell; the only things Gigi registers is scrambling to get a bathroom and ripping the tulips apart, whilst feeling her eyes prickle with tears whenever Crystal brings up her boyfriend— correction, _fiancé_ again.

She says she hopes to win the 100K so she can have a nice wedding. Gigi selfishly thinks that won’t happen because between them, she’s the one with four challenge wins.

Once press week is over, Gigi barely goes on social media and spends her days making the math on how much time she has left and if she would be able to collect the money to go through the flower removing surgery before she dies.

* * *

Crystal starts flirting with her on social media out of nowhere.

She’s not sure why or how, because she still has her engagement ring on even if she hasn’t shared any more details about her wedding with them. Gigi doesn’t mind; it only made the tulips grow stronger.

They face time regularly and talk about everything and nothing. Crystal no longer asks about the mysterious boy Gigi is pinning for and Gigi doesn’t ask about the wedding.

As weeks go by and the show comes closer to an end, Gigi senses something is off with Crystal. She doesn’t talk about the wedding, but she doesn’t talk about her boyfriend either, and she used to never shut up about him.

It clicks when Crystal comes to LA for a gig and she’s not wearing her engagement ring anymore.

“We both started coughing up petals again,” she explains unprompted, and Gigi is dumbfounded for a long minute. “He fell in love with one of his co-workers and I was still in love with him.” Crystal stares at where her ring used to be, a tan line around it as a grim reminder of the love she lost.

Gigi knows she shouldn’t be the least bit happy about this, but considering it’s any day now for her, she’ll take whatever crumble she can get.

They get drunk in Crystal’s hotel room with cheap beer and Gigi holds Crystal when she starts to cry. Neither one of them talk about the different petals they cough throughout the night.

* * *

Crystal calls her one day and screams about how she hasn’t coughed up any petals for a week now. Gigi is happy, truly happy for her and they celebrate by drinking beer together through Face Time. True to their style, Gigi doesn’t ask how she was able to stop the petals.

* * *

It’s the week before the top four is revealed when Gigi notices how the tulips in her lungs are starting to die, the grip of their tails in her lungs loosening up more and more with each day that passes.

It occurs to her that maybe she doesn’t love Crystal anymore, maybe she is finally getting over her; but she’s proven wrong when they see each other again for filming the reunion that it’s bullshit.

She’s still deeply in love with Crystal, but that doesn’t explain how and why the tulips are dying out — or maybe there is an explanation, a very logic one at that, but Gigi refuses to believe it.

Crystal acts like she always does and nothing indicates Gigi that there’s a teeny tiny possibility that she likes her back.

The reunion happens, and RuPaul inevitably asks them what does the social media flirting means, and much like Branjie, he asks if they’re a couple.

Crystal is the one that answers with a breathy, nervous laugh.

“No, we’re just friends,” she assures him and the tulips suddenly grip harder on her lungs.

“Yeah, we were just playing,” Gigi adds, doing her absolute best at not letting her feelings show.

She exchanges glances with Crystal and there’s a feeling on Crystal’s gaze she can’t quite put a finger on.

* * *

“Gigi,” Crystal calls for her before she enters her hotel room.

They have de-dragged already, the characters are out and Gigi stills feels some type of way remembering the way Crystal had said they’re just friends.

“Yeah?” Gigi leaves her door ajar, staring intently at Crystal. She’s a few feet away, but she can see the way her hands twitch; she does that when she’s nervous.

“I want to talk with you about… Something,” she says, and Gigi gestures at her room. Crystal nods without saying intently and follows her.

Gigi closes the door behind Crystal and it startles her the way the room isn’t suffocated in the smell of tulips yet.

It makes her heart beat so fast she’s sure it will come out of her ribcage at any moment.

Crystal turns around to face her and Gigi looks at her expectantly.

“I… I have something to tell you,” she begins, fidgeting with her own fingers. Gigi prompts her to go on. She takes a deep breath. “So, uh, you know how I broke off my engagement, right? And that I stopped coughing up petals pretty shortly after?” Crystal recalls, and Gigi nods slowly, the tulips around her lungs squeezing them a tad too tight.

“Yeah, I remember.”

Crystal swallows thickly before continuing. “It didn’t affect me that much because— I think I got—” she groans frustrated, and Gigi is about to tell her that they don’t talk about it if she doesn’t want, but she goes on before Gigi can say anything. “I _think_ I got a crush on you.”

Gigi’s not sure she heard that right.

She blinks repeatedly before she sucks in a shaky breath, licks her lips and tries to come up with an answer. She can’t.

Upon seeing how shocked she is, Crystal continues with a sigh.

“I haven’t coughed a single petal, Gig. And you know what that means.”

Gigi squeezes her eyes shut, her head is spinning and she’s convinced she’s dead and this is a dream.

Crystal comes closer and looks for her hands, giving them a squeeze that makes Gigi’s eyes shot open. “How long?” She asks sweetly, Gigi chews on her lip.

“Since the political challenge,” she reluctantly admits and Crystal opens her eyes widely.

“What? You were spitting entire flowers when you came to see me in Missouri! You— you could’ve _died_ , Gig.”

Gigi doesn’t say that she was really close to booking an appointment with a surgeon once the season started, the constant pain being too much to bear.

She wonders for a moment what would’ve happened if she did it; Crystal would be the one coughing up flowers and dying slowly. The thought terrifies her, and she’s glad she didn’t have the courage to call the number of the doctor.

Crystal moves her hand to stroke Gigi’s cheek softly, and Gigi lets herself melt under her touch.

“So…” Crystal says.

“So?” Gigi repeats. Crystal smiles sheepishly.

“Should we give this a try?”

The tulips’ grips on Gigi’s heart loosen up as she nods and Crystal gives her a kiss without hesitating. Gigi doesn’t allow Crystal’s tongue to explore further because she fears she’ll encounter a petal.

* * *

Gigi wins the whole season, because of course she does.

To the producers’ credit, she doesn’t lip sync against Crystal; instead, she goes against Jackie and Crystal is eliminated by Jaida. Gigi is oddly at peace with that.

They watch the finale together like every top four does and Crystal’s grip on Gigi’s hand is stronger than ever, but she doesn’t mind.

The whole party is a blur of people congratulating her, taking photos with her season sisters and doing interviews. When she goes back to the hotel and finds Crystal, already as Cody, leaning against the door of her room, holding a bouquet of yellow tulips with a shit-eating grin, she doesn’t know if she wants to slap her or kiss her.


End file.
